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Tuesday, 6 December 2011

Top Ten Reasons to be a Guy

Now there's a lot of guys out there who think that women rule their lives and are very hard to handle so I thought i'd make us all feel a little bit better by making a list of our best attributes.

10. Movie nudity is virtually always female.

Even if it's just a casual bit of side boob, we always get the better deal when it comes to acting nudity. Men just usually take their shirts off in movies and I do that at home by myself...not so many women do.

9. We can open our own jars.

I'm pretty sure there are no women living on their own that i've ever heard of. The reason is probably because of lack of sustenance from being unable to open jars.

8. All our orgasms are real.

No pointless sex of any kind, we always get to our climax no matter what we're fucking. It's a great asset, I mean would you rather pleasure a woman but never reach climax or keep things how they are...

7. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.

How many times do men stare at women and secretly think while casually glancing at their boobs as they talk, 'I bet you're a swallower!'.

6. Pissing in public.

This is not technically aloud but if there's a bush in the park and no one's around then why the hell not! Especially after a night out I find a good public urination is exactly what I need to help the kebab go down.

5. Monday night football.

Mondays are shit, let's face it after a relaxing weekend we're greeted with work and the only thing that I look forward to on mondays is monday night football.

4. The release of gas is socially acceptable.

I'm sorry but women must do some serious internal damage when they don't release just a molecule of gas! Releasing gas is needed for all people, how else would I finish a curry?

3. Shaving anywhere below your face is pointless.

I don't know where women find time to shave their legs...

2. Phone conversations are kept to a bear minimum!

Anymore than 30 seconds and you're man likes listening to a rambler...

1. We think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.

Bet you weren't thinking this would be number 1, heh! All of these are great reasons to be a man but if you're a woman who is reading this and feel offended, well, our lives wouldn't be complete without you and this top ten list would be redundant if women didn't exist. Either way, seeing someone punt a small dog is funny. :D

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