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Tuesday, 6 December 2011

Top Ten Funniest Ways to Annoy Your Co-Workers

Most top ten lists are pointless, but this is one of the good ones, one of the lists you can really use and my God these are some goodens! I'm going to do a descending list so we save not only the best one till last but the one you need the most balls to actually pull off without getting fired and abused.

10. Spam your co-workers with porn-ads.

This one only really works if you have plenty of time. The best way to do it is set up a fake email address to reduce your liability and then just go nuts. If you can throw in some midget porn or she/male porn then you've got one annoying spam bomb to pelt!

9. Come to work sick.

This is annoying if you are just top-of-the-mill sneezing and coughing loudly so people can't really do work, but if you can take it to another level by endangering people's health, then you are a complete legend really. Now this involves effort and you need to spread your germs by getting insanely close to people's faces, and i mean to the point where they recoil in horror...

8. Dancing round your colleagues as they urinate.

This is brilliant as they can't stop one can, not even Jesus. You can take this one to the next level as well; when your colleague is in the confines of their cubicle casually excreting you can peer over the top and scream at them.

7. Attempting to start a mexican wave...every two minutes.

Have you ever been at a sporting event when this happens? Yeah it's great to take part once but really? Five fucking times?!? This hate for mexican waves is amplified five-fold in the work place as it's highly inappropriate.

6. Take credit for what others do.

Now this can be to your boss or to other workers, you can just pretend you did whatever your colleague has just done. Another way which I would personally like to try is take credit for everything...For example, say you were the man that broke the speed barrier, or say you're the person who ate five hotdogs in one minute...seriously, look it up on youtube now if you hadn't heard...It was me ;)

5. Fall over and exaggerate your pain.

Have you ever seen Family Guy when Peter falls over and hurts his knee? He holds on to his knee and expresses grunts and 'oohs' and 'ahhs'. It's brilliant, not only do you cause genuine worry amongst your fellow workers, but you can blame it on someone too! Imagine the look on their face.

4. Sneak up and scare your co-workers.

Some may find this funny when it's done to them. But how about when they're on the phone? This one works amazingly well if you go to extraordinary lengths to scare people. I mean we're talking about getting up into overhead cupboards and scaring the SHIT out of people. The more effort you make, the funnier it is.

3. Spill liquids on people.

I'm not talking water either. I'm talking coffee, tea, wine...yes take wine in just for this purpose, and do it early on in the day so they have to stroll around the obvious looking like they've been stabbed.

2. Leave a wet fish in someone's desk.

Need I say more?...

1. Take a shit in the middle of the office.

If this is a bit much, do it on their desk instead. This is by far the most lethal thing you can do, especially if you eat mexican food the night before. Take some toilet roll out into the middle of the room, squat down, open up the daily newspaper and just release like a crazy man.

If I had to pick a favourite, I couldn't, all of them are brilliant in their own way. Comment on anymore you think people should try or even better, comment and please tell me you have done one of these! That would be great. Or just post on anything you've done to your co-workers, we're not here to judge ;).

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