Ok, so we've all been on those long, tedious train journeys to a distant place; maybe work, school, or to see that grandparent who for some reason lives really far away. Well, below is a list I have compiled of the ten best things you can do to kill time on the train. Enjoy!
10. Try and wake up the old guy sleeping.
There's always a busy cabin where some old guy is trying to catch some shut eye before he reaches his destination. If there's more than one of you, turn this into a game. Whoever, wakes him up wins a smartie!
9. Do as much as you can before the guy wakes up.
A play on from number 10. This is an even better game, preferably find someone who is on their own so no one else can see you, and do as much as you can before he wakes up. If you have a pen, draw on his face, If you have rubbish, place it on his head. If you have balls, rub them on his face etc. etc.
8. Mooning people at the station.
You have to wait for everyone to get on who plans to get on the train or you might get hurt. But once they're all on, place that moon of an arse flat against the window and watch as the people recoil in horror to find that you have drawn a face upon your behind and smeared it against the window.
Let me explain. Sit next to people on a busy train and after about five minutes shout out 'can you stop doing that please? I mean seriously, stop touching my leg!'. It's a great game if you can keep a straight face. My personal favourite is, 'No sir, I will not follow you to the toilet and engage in relations'.
6. Fake reading.
Take a book on the train. No! Not to read, to use as a prop. Sit next to someone 'reading' your book and once they're not looking put your face really close to theirs and stare. As they turn to look at you quickly go back to reading your book intently. And then the most important step...repeat.
5. 'I don't like you...'
Sit next to someone and slowly turn your head to look at them, when you catch eye contact slowly say the words 'I don't like you...bad things happen to people I don't like'. Then casually turn back to look forward but stare at them through the corner of your eye just to scare them.
4. The terrorist.
Ok, now this is a strong contender to be further up the list. Wear a fake, black bushy beard, get a strong fake tan, and wear a turban. Sit next to people and occasionally say the word 'BOOM!' really loudly and giggle to yourself. Be careful not to get arrested.
3. The reader.
People usually take books on the train. Find those people! peer over their shoulder and begin to read their book or newspaper aloud in a deep tone. This game's brilliant and always provokes a different reaction.
2. Ticket dodger.
A great game, when you see the ticket man call out for everyone in the cabin to show their tickets. Quickly get up and move quickly in the opposite direction from where he is while glancing back with panic on your face. Most likely he will follow you. Once you get to the end of the train he will have cornered you, when he asks for your ticket, produce your ticket and show him, casually sit down and watch his confusion.
1. Eat beans, egg, and curry before you get on the train.
Toot up a storm to cause utter distress for your fellow passengers. Simple.
These are all great things to do on a train, some of them may get you arrested or hurt, so use with caution and don't say I didn't tell you so!